Funerals

Ok. Now I know that this subject is not one that is fun to talk or think about, but I need to make a memo if you will of how things went today.
I knew that Ricks funeral was not going to be an easy one, and the only reason I went was to see his Mom & Dad. I will forever be glad that I did. It has been probably been Ohhhh, I'm gonna guess 10 years or so since we have seen Don & Judy Cleavenger.They have ALWAYS been so good to us and treated us like family. Today was no different. It did take Don a few minutes to recognize us. He hugged us both, but I held on for just a second longer and he hugged me tighter than I think I have ever been hugged, and he just flat broke down! Up until this point, I had fooled myself into thinking that I might get through this with just a few tears. HA! I was SO wrong! I promptly proceeded to cry with him. Then he grabbed Judy and the whole thing started again. They were so glad we had come! Judy asked if we had seen the program, and when we said no she got a little excited and said we "had to see it, cause it would make us laugh!" She was of course right. On the back of the program, was a picture of Rick taken right around the time that Chet and I got married. Sitting on his then truck, with his boots, levi jeans, bomber type jacket, his stunner shades and ball cap.( oh ya, we can't leave out the mullet ) WOW! Talk about a blast from the past! It was like I was there again, for just a mintue. The funeral over all was really good for what it was. It was different than any I have ever been to before. I have always been to LDS directed funerals, and there was none of that at this one. They didn't begin or end with a prayer, and when it was over it was like no one was sure it was over for just a few seconds. Very strange to me, and nothing I have ever experienced before.
Ricks Mom did say at one point that she didn't know what she was going to do now. I was, at that moment so grateful to know that there is more than this short life time on this Earth to look forward to.
I can also say that I hope I never have to go to a funeral like this one EVER again! Also I hope that Rick will now find the peace and direction that he never did find here in this life.

Things I have learned or (re-learned) in the past year.

( in absolutely no particular order! )
1. I love to shovel snow (for a little while)
2. I am grateful! (for SO many things)
3. Love continues to get better
4. Attitude affects EVERYTHING!
5. you can be mad at someone and still love them & them you.
6. Not everyone is blessed with common sense
7. I love the sound of Chet's voice
8. When I get really mad I clean or drive aimlessly
9. The things I do for others is really for me.
10. I am excited my kids are growing up
11. I am sad my kids are growing up
12. I love the gospel
13. I need to repent daily (if not more often)
14. Life is SO short
15.You can still care about people you rarely see.
16. I love not having a schedule when on vacation
17. If I pay attention I can learn something everyday
18. Giving a compliment is SO important! Even if it's to a complete stranger
19. I don't really feel old till I fall
20. Ice will ALWAYS win
21. My body is determined to get old, with or without my consent
22. I remember why I was never going to have kids!
23. I am SO glad I have kids!
24. Megan's room may never be clean
25 I love music
26. I still don't like being home alone
27. I am glad I don't like chocolate! ( I weigh enough thanks )
28. I miss having a SUPER close friend. It changes things.
29. Active LDS people don't always "practice" their religion
30. Non-LDS people are ALWAYS watching
31. You can stay good friends even over long distances
32. Long distances can drastically change a friendship
33. The older I get the less I care what other people think
34. I get more opinionated everyday
35. There is so much I want to see
36. California has more barns than one would think
37. Ford like to cook and experiment
38. Megan would starve if she had to cook to eat!
39. I really like "young adult" books
40. It's hard when scenery changes
41. My dog can make me laugh even when I am sad
42. My Mother-in-law has the biggest heart
43. My Father-in -law hates to be "the bad guy"
44. Making a list can make you feel better
45. My Parents are proud of me for whatever the reason :)
46. Anger makes you look old and mean ( I gotta work on that one )
47. NO ONE likes being told they've done something wrong (especially me)
48. My kids have some really good friends
49. Some of my kids friends are NOT so good
50. My kids can make wise choices even when surrounded by bad
51. Having a myspace has taught me a lot about Megan's friends and some of mine
52. Myspace and Facebook are good ways to shorten long distances
53. I like to work hard and keep busy
54. Not everyone likes to work hard, OR keep busy
55. I still think my hubby is cute! :)
56. I am still learning my religion
57. Good landscaping can compensate for a not so great house
58. The church is different outside of Utah
59. I'd like to try life outside of Utah
60. I like guns and shooting
61. People can meet and fall in love over the Internet ( who woulda thought)
62. The Lord has an individual plan for all of us
63. Megan is a very funny person
64. Megan & Ford are VERY stubborn people (wonder where that came from)
65. Megan & Ford are two of my favorite people!
66. Teen driving is a good thing (mostly)
67. I HATE going to the dentist!
68. Root-canal pain is WAY worse than it sounds!
69. I love Thanksgiving more every year
70. My brothers and sisters are such good friends
71. Nieces & Nephews are almost like grand kids (for those of us that are beyond little kids, but not at the grand kid stage yet)
72. I wish my family lived closer
73. I miss playing racquetball
74. I hate it when they split wards
75. I like Chet's "ice thing" more than I thought
76. I really like my job
77. Some people are easier to work with than others
78. I like my personal space. Sometimes more than others
79. My kids birthdays are harder on me than my own
80. Even old people can be dishonest
81. Auto Insurance companies are the most dishonest of all!
82. If someone is looking for a reason not to go to church, they will find it
83. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest!
84. I love sweets! (not candy though)
85. Angie Robinson makes the BEST cheese ball!
86. New Years is better spent with good company! (even if you don't feel very social at first)
87. Trunk or Treat is a real bummer for me
88. E-mail and TXTing are great things!
89. Cell phones are great things (how did we ever get along without them?)
90. I miss my hubby when he is away, even if he's just working late.
91. I love visiting my parents
92. My parents are still teaching me.
93. I have so much I still need to learn
94. Fall is my favorite time of the year.
95. Sometimes a weakness you thought you got over comes back (never let your guard down)
96. It is harder to stop swearing than almost anything
97. I don't like most forwards in TXT or E-mail
98. I love that my kids like to talk to me :)
99 A good friend can fix almost anything doing nothing
100. I love my life!
WOW that was harder than I thought it would be.

Sometimes in life, you hit a bump in the road you never saw coming! When the phone rings you are never prepared for it to be one of those speed bumps. I got a phone call tonight to let Chet and I know that, the guy who had been the best man at our wedding, chose this week to end his own life. Wow, what a bump! I never in a million year would have ever seen this one coming. I am sitting here typing, through blurry eyes, as I wonder what it is that makes a person think that dying is the answer to all of their problems. Chet keeps reminding me that we really don't know what was going on in his life. We lost contact with him some time ago. He and his family had different interests than we did, and we just drifted. I also feel guilty about that as well. I have put a lot of effort into hanging onto relationships that have or could have just faded with time. This is one I never really tried to hang onto too hard. There were so many thing that we didn't have in common. Now thinking about it, we haven't heard from them or seen them in probably two years or more. I keep thinking that this really shouldn't have hit me as hard as it has. He was such a fun guy! I cant imagine being his wife! How do you help your kids through something like that??! Their kids are right around Megan and Ford's age maybe a little younger. Old enough to reason out in their own mind that their Dad chose to die rather than stay here and work out whatever the problem was. I have only personally known one other person to have done this. I am really angry. I know I really don't have any right to be mad at him, and it won't do me any good to be angry, but I just don't get it.
I thank Heavenly Father that I have not felt the overwhelming need to end my life! I am grateful that there has always been more things to live for.
What do I say to his wife? Are there ANY words that will give her comfort? They didn't have the same beliefs as we do. Is there anything that I can say that will not offend or confuse? I have not had this many emotions running through my head so fast for such a long time, and I have to say I do not think it is a good thing! I am getting a headache.
Life is so fragile! It can end so suddenly. I am just shaking my head. I just don't even know what to think right now. Rick, even though we haven't talked in a long time, Know you will be missed! May heaven help me understand.

Weekend Adventure.

We left on Friday for a trip to St George. It started out more like a really scary adventure though. It had snowed most of Christmas and the roads the day after (at least around our house) were horrible! I am a somewhat cautious driver but snow doesn't usually scare me too much, but I have to say, I was truly half a mind to turn around and stay home. I was really looking froward to going to my parents house and to see my friend that moved to St George 2 years ago. So with Chet being ever so careful we continued on our journey. The farther into Salt Lake the worse the roads got. There were accidents and cars that had run into the cement wall all over the place. ( I hate the wall! It is not my friend!). We slowly made our way south, with Chet asking me what I wanted to do. Now that really wasn't a far question! I wanted to do both things! I was so nervous about the snow, but I really wanted to go to St George! We don't get to go there often enough. I told him we should get to Provo and see how the roads were there. When we got there, they weren't much better, but they were a little better so I told Chet we should go to Payson and see how things were. So we got back on the freeway and headed south yet again. The farther south we went, the better the roads got and by the time we got to Payson things were good so we were on our way! Thank goodness we made it in ok time and got to spend some time with my parents and then visited with my friend and her family. Including her son who went into the military last June and was home for a Christmas visit. It was so good to see everyone, I just wish we had more time to just hang out. This visit seemed a little rushed. I am so grateful for being able to visit at all though and that we were even able to get down and back safely. What a nice weekend adventure!
Thanks for the puzzle Mom, wish I could have helped more with it. This picture was off the deck at my parents house in St George! WOW, what a view. More snow than they usually ever have!

If you were wondering.

Just in case you were wondering how I came up with the name of my blog. This week pretty much summed it right up.
Let the list of madness begin. First this week, I slipped and fell on the ice at work. Got several bruises on my arm a stiff neck and back and smacked my head on the work van as I landed. Not fun. Then, Ford had his Choir concert on Tuesday, which Megan had to rearrange her work schedule to be able to attend, and I thought Chet was going to miss, because he was out of town working. (he ended up coming in about 2 minutes before the concert started! What a treat for ME and Ford). The NEXT day was Megan's combined orchestra, choir and band concert. I am not late to these things usually, and most of the time it wouldn't be any kind of deal, as there are always LOTS of seats empty. Well, NOT THIS TIME! I was late, only by about 8 minutes and still Ford and I ended up sitting in the nose bleed section of the auditorium. However, the concert was still really good. Megan's orchestra was the highlight of the concert for me! Oh, and at the end, all of the groups preformed at the same time! It was really neat. there are about 200 kids in the music program, all of them sang and played together. It was cool.
Now on to Thursday. Ford is suppose to have a band concert in the evening, but I get a text from Megan, while I was at work, asking me if Ford had really been suspended? I told her that the school hadn't called me about it and that I was SURE he was just teasing her to see what she would say. So..... I text Ford and asked him WHY?? was he teasing his sister? To which he replied with, "teasing her about what?" So back and forth it went. He told me he wasn't teasing, that he really got suspended, and good Mom that I am said........ I don't believe you! To which he shot back "ask Dad!!" (during which time I had already called Chet and found out all was true!) Boy, I stewed and worried and wondered what had happened and so on and so forth. How could he have gotten suspended and what was he going to do about his concert? I don't know if anyone knows how suspension works these days, but if you are suspended, you are not allowed on school grounds, it considered trespassing and they will press charges and expel you from said school.
I have sense decided it was a good thing that the school called Chet and not me about the suspension! I would have just had a melt down right then and there! As it was I found out about it, about an hour and a half before I got off work, and by the time I got home the mad had burned itself out.
It turns out he had called a kid a name, (which I told him would get him in trouble one day) it made the kid mad so he hit Ford in the back of the head, and Ford retaliated by pinching a pressure point on the kids neck. (could have been worse right?) Anyway, some pushing and shoving later they both ended up in the office and were BOTH suspended. Ford was told NOT to call names anymore and all was said and over with. He gets to go back to school after the Christmas break. I did have to call the school about his concert and get permission for him to be able to go, and then I had to be with him at all times while we were there. That has to be the fastest I have ever gotten out of a concert though.
WOW! What a week! Oh and I'm still not finished with my Christmas shopping! However, I am really close. Oh, wait..... so is Christmas!
Anyway, now you know a little of the panic and mayhem that I have going on in my life!
Though, truly, I really do LOVE my life! It is GOOD! Thanks to all of you for helping make my life so enjoyable!

Always Watching

You know when people tell you that you should always be mindful of your actions, because no matter where you are, someone is always watching.
This is from one of the Ladies I work with, and it really drove this point home to me.
She, her husband and brothers and sisters, just went on a two week cruise down thru Mexico and Panama. On their cruise their waiters knew that they did not drink alcohol so made sure that they had orange juice for them to drink. She told us, that about 3 or 4 days into the cruise, a waiter who did not wait on them passed by their table, stopped and said to them, "there is something different about your table, it shines." Well, they all kind of laughed a little and joked about it a little, but the waiter insisted that there was something that they had that made their table different from all the other tables on the cruise.
To make a long story short and so as not to screw it up to bad, over the rest of the cruise they got to speak to this waiter about our church a little, and found out they 10 years prior he had been given a Book of Mormon, and was interested in being baptized. However, he had a friend that had told him he wasn't ready and totally discouraged him from joining, so he didn't. He still had the spark that had been lite, and from watching my friend and her family on this cruise, this spark has stated to burn a little more. I guess when you work on a cruise ship you don't get to get off very often, and he won't be able to get off and go home for quite some time (oh, and he is from Columbia). He found my friend before they left the ship, and told her that he has arranged to go to Salt Lake City the next time he has off the ship, and would she please arrange for him to take classes so he can learn about our church. He has money and wants to pay for the classes. He doesn't understand that the classes are free and insists on paying for them, because he wants to shine and glow like my friend and he family.
I thought this was just amazing, that miles from anywhere you would think anyone would see you or know if you where out of line, there is someone waiting for your example. I also wondered how many others had passed on that same ship and not been setting the right example. I know that that is something I often struggle with. I just know that we are always being watched for the good and the bad we may be doing, and I am grateful to have so many good examples surrounding me. Thanks so much!

Everyday!

Like I said when I started this blog, I started this for my own Journaling purposes. So please don't ever read my blog thinking I am preaching please. I just think that if I pay enough attention, everyday, there is something I will learn. And just maybe, if I can learn from daily "stuff", then maybe, if I share the stuff I think, someone else might also like to share in the learning with me, by my sharing.
Anyway, I just need to share an experience I had yesterday, that really touched my heart, and again, made me SO grateful to be me and have my own set of challenges.
Yesterday, was the Junior High choir concert at the Joseph Smith Memorial building. Megan and I got there quite a bit before the Choir did, (I know, please keep the amazed breath intake to a minimum). Anyway, we had time to wander before the kids got there. Not that anyone wants to know this, but I had to find a bathroom. (yes it is necessary, for this part to be in the blog)
While we were washing our hands, into the restroom came a woman and a teenage boy. I was very taken back at first, until I started listening to the questions the young man was asking his Mother. It went sort of like this, Son:"I have to come in here with you, because of my handicap?" Mother: "Yes, that's why." Son: "will I always have my handicap?" Mother: "Yes, you will." Son: "Will I have my handicap in Heaven?" Mother: "no, You won't" Son: "because in Heaven, HE will take my handicap away?!"..............
Now at this point, there was Megan, me and another woman standing if front of the mirror finishing drying our hands and such. All we could do was stare at each other with misty eyes and listen with softened hearts. I can't remember exactly word for word or even what was said after that last statement, but I do know I was so moved by his last and simple comment.
I watched this young man wander around, the rest of the time we were there. I thought about talking to his Mother, but that seemed like it might have been out of place. I was reminded again, how well the Lord knows us as individuals! He knows that challenges that he has given us are the things we should be able to face with a reasonable amount of grace, if we put our trust in, and lean on him. Some days the "why me" party takes up so much of our time that we forget that maybe, instead, we should be saying thank you for letting it be me, and please, give me grace. Anyway, that's what I learned. I don't think I would have the grace to be that boys Mother, but I hope that I do, with some small amount of grace deal with the challenges the Lord has placed in my life.
Also, why I was there I thought of Mary Ann, and her picture of the fallen tree decoration, and I wanted to let her know, how much I really enjoy her, and her pictures! So I took a picture in her honor. The decorations reminded me of you, and made me smile. Thanks for sharing!