IF I thought.....

Wow!! If I thought that my last post had me thinking...that is really nothing compared to what I have been doing the last two weeks!

It is official! My daughter has become engaged! Oh, happy day right??? Well...maybe...maybe not.

At this point in time, I am, by no means, a good judge of someone else's feelings for another person! I mean, really...sometimes I look at people that are together and I wonder if they are really happy with each other???? ARE they??? I can look at me and Chet, and see how happy we are, and see all the things we have been through that have made us stronger as a couple, but when I look at someone else, from the outside...I have a hard time seeing them make it through the choice of what to have for dinner. Or better yet...WHO is going to do the dinner dishes!

Maybe not life altering thoughts, or choices, but ones that effect the way we live with each other, day to day, for certain! Some days with out even meaning to, one can take the smallest, most innocent, action or thought, mentioned out loud, the complete and totally opposite way in which it was intended!

After 23 years of married...life... I can honestly say that there are still days when I find myself flying off the handle for no real reason! These are the days that I think Chet is a saint!!!

ANYWAY!!! To get right to the point I am not at all sure these "kids" are ready at all to get married! Then again...I was a year younger when I married and look at me now! Better and stronger than most people thought possible! SO, maybe this is a good thing?

Really, only time can really tell. Whatever happens, I will be here for my girl, doing the very best I can to help her figure things out as we move through this thing called "life".

Let's dance!!!

Well, I feel like I am at some sort of cross roads in my life! No, really, I am so torn on how I should feel, and what I should say and do as a Mother, that there is real conflict both in my outward behavior, and everything I am feeling on the inside!

It's official! My daughter, has come home with a ring on her finger! Yep, that's right she is engaged to be married! Such an exciting time of life! Both for daughter, and Mother! I am still trying, in my mind, to figure out why it is an exciting time for the Mother, but oddly enough, it truly does seem to be.

It was announced to us at 3 am Saturday morning, that the question had indeed been "popped"

I wish sometimes I could see back in time, into my own Mothers mind, and see exactly what it was that she was thinking when I told her I would be getting married!

I am sure that I was totally NOT ready to get married, yet???, here we are, 23 years later...looking back, on both good, bad, exceptionally good and exceptionally bad times throughout the years, I can see the reason for concern, that my parents might have had.

Yet, at the same time, I can see how much I have grown into myself, at being given the opportunity, to go out into the world and find out who I truly was, and find a way to grow into the person that I am today! Am I the same person that I started out as??? Thank goodness NO! Have I learned a LOT??? Oh, HELL YES!!! Is that the way that it is suppose to be?? I think so. NO one can learn anything, without being give the chance and opportunity to do so!

I am at an all new place for me! An all new learning curve is about to be implemented, and I am so hoping all the hard work I have put in over the last years, have served to teach me the ability to dance, with grace, and learn the dance moves quickly!

I will NEVER be a ballerina, but I sure hope that I will have fun learning the "steps" to the dance!! Loves to all!

Trapped...

The time of year that usually makes me feel trapped and needing to make an escape, is usually in the spring time. After a long, cold winter! (they are ALL long to me when they are cold. Which around here they all are!)

For some reason, this year, this fall, which is usually my favorite time of year, has me feeling the need to escape to some place unknown, but also feeling trapped without the ability to make said escape.

I'm not sure if it is because of the time of year that is fast approaching and the thoughts which it stirs in my head, the fact that my son is in his final year of school and seems to be pissing it away, the fact that my daughter seems to think that life as a family member is too demanding on her and her personal needs, and either treats everyone around like crap, or tells me she will move out if that is what I want!

Then again it could be the issues that my parents have been having for the last month and a half. The fact that my belief in happy ever after has been severely shaken. Not that I haven't had my own reasons for said shaking, but then to add this on top of it all, was just one more thing almost too much!

I know that we are all given experiences in this life time to help shape and mold us into the person that the Lord knows we are, but sometimes it feels like the pressures that are molding us might just be the pressures that crush us to bits!

Then some thing will happen in the comings and going of the people who are in our lives personally, or maybe even just those whom we might know through someone else, that reminds us that even though the pressure seems almost too much to bear, there is someone else who's pressure I am certain is turning them at this very moment in time, into a diamond of infinite worth!

I would certainly like to be considered a fine gem, but I am also certain I am in no way ready for the pressures that would turn me into the diamond of infinite worth!!

I am so completely grateful today for the challenges that God has given me in this life to shape and mold me, I sincerely hope that I will someday be in the very least a gem, and that in the making I might be a good example to those whom I am not aware are even watching me.

I also hope that with time I will be able to bear the challenges that are mine with the grace, that I am sure the Lord wishes often, would show through on the surface not just the seedling still waiting to poke through. I also can see, when I take more than just a second, to examine the problems that might seem insurmountable at any given moment, really aren't as big as they seem at first glance. Now, if I can just keep reminding myself of these things, I will be in better shape tomorrow than I was today!

As long as I continue to improve myself and not become stagnate, I am bound to get better right?