Would you if you could?

If you could make a choice for someone, knowing that it would make them angry with you, but knowing that it would honestly be the best thing for them in the long run, would you?

Knowing that at this point, it really doesn't matter, because I am not ABLE to make that choice for anyone else. Still though, knowing that choices that I am certain are going to be more hurtful for said person are being made currently, just makes it harder to sit back and let it all unfold!

When Chet and I got married, we weren't ever going to have kids, for various reason. First and foremost being that we were both way more selfish than someone with kids is suppose to be. I think looking back now, that I am still just as selfish in a way because the choices I would make would be to ease MY pain as much as someone elses.

So in order to keep from going crazy and having the parental hurt that goes along with having kids, I have decided I am just going to skip it! Not have any! That would be the best idea all the way around.

(Heavy sigh!) Too bad it is too late to change things now. Then again, I am not sure that even knowing what was coming, I would have changed it. Just reminds me that I wasn't going to do this in the first place!

Geeze!

Another Christmas....

Well, that's it! Another Christmas has come and gone.
I can say that this one was a little better in some ways and a little worse in other ways for all of us.
Megan was back home with us this year. So the fact that we were all together for Christmas once again was nice! :) The reason she was back home, is a not so happy reason!.
I actually had a surprise gift for Chet, that he knew nothing about :) but because he didn't have time to shop, I didn't have anything to open from him. (I did get things, just not things I knew nothing about) So good for me, not good for him, even though I didn't care. I got my car and that is really all I wanted! (even though it is still in the shop)
The kids went all out for each other, a thing I use to wonder if they would ever even get along, let alone want to shop for gifts for each other! Miracles really do happen! Even in MY house!
The Ice thing in the front yard was looking really cool and getting really big, but now it is getting warm and melting really fast!
I am off work from my  job, which means I am on the road with Chet. I use to be a help to him when he was out working and I went. Now I am just a traveling companion. They have changed so many things with the way he has to work, that if I try to help I am in the way more than I am helping (unless we are installing a machine. Which doesn't happen too much). So good that I get to be with him, but bad that I sit like a bump...Still, I would much rather sit like a bump to be with him than be home moving and doing things alone! My favorite place to be is where he is!
All in all, a very good Christmas! I love my family!

A new car....

Today, we got a new (used) car! Although I really didn't want a bigger car payment, I am really excited about this car! The Mustang was okay...but NOT what I had been wanting the last time we went looking for a car. I settled for it because I was done looking for cars and not finding what I wanted in the price range or shape. So when Chet started looking at mustangs and found the one we had, I was to the point I just said fine...whatever.....so we had the mustang. It was a fun car to drive and it was fast, but it was not comfortable for long drives and it didn't get the fuel milage that they had touted that it would. Then when my job switched, it was really apparent that it was not going to work for that really either. So the thought of selling the mustang and the hunt for the new car began.  Today we finally found the car we wanted and in the range we had been looking for (mostly) I'm pretty excited for our new car!

The rest...

So I missed a few days and now I am just going to say that I am grateful for these things I have listed and ALL the rest of the things I haven't. THe list of things I haven't list is so much longer than the one here of what I do have.
In years past I have kept this blog about thanks pretty simple and to the point. Being grateful for the typical things like sight, family, health and the like. This year I tried to find one thing every day that stuck out in my mind in a particular way. It actually worked out a little better for me, because I was thinking in the back of my mind throughout the day about the thing I might want to write about being thankful for. Going throught the day, thinking about the things you are glad for can certainly make it a bit easier to not focus so much on the harder things. So in part today as I start winding up the month of grateful, I am grateful for the month of grateful blog and being able to see things that I might otherwise miss.

A quite mind...

There are not many times through out the day, week or month when life slows down enough for a quite minute...let alone time for the mind to just slow down and not be over run with all of the things that need to be done and all of the places we might need to be going.
Today, for a little while I had just a minute like that. It happens so rarely that for just a minute I wasn't quit sure what to do with myself. It was actually very nice, and then it passed and I moved on to the next project on my list of things that REALLY need to be done.
Sometime just shutting down while still being away is almost as refreshing as a short nap! I will take a quiet mind any chance I happen upon it! ;)

Life lessons...

Today I am grateful for life lessons. Both the easy lessons and the harder lesson. Both lessons learned in just everyday living and the lessons learned from bad or incorrect choices. I am continuing daily to learn some of these lessons. I can tell you some of these lessons leave much more of a sting than others. Especially when the sting comes from unknowingly wounding another person you would never dream of doing so intentionally. 
Today I have learned to look a little deeper and be a bit more aware of what something you might do or say (seeming to you to be innocent) is going to impact someone else, and perhaps the way they look at you as a person!
Grateful for kind friends who will point out said lesson to be learned and then be willing to look past your short shortsightedness and still choose to be your friend!
Lesson learned and grateful for it!

Comfort food....

You know those days you have that just make you want to sit and do nothing...Those are the days when comfort food tastes the best! Not only that, that is when it comforts the very most.
Pasta, just so happens to be one of my very most favorite comfort foods. I love pasta, but rarely eat it much anymore. Still there are those days when it just sounds better than anything else. Usually macaroni and cheese is my go to pasta treat, but for the most part any past will do. 
So here's to being slightly indulgent every now and then and eating something you don't very often, all for the sake of comfort. :)
I know it sounds bad, but I really don't mean over eating or over indulging, just have a good ole' fashion take me back to when I was a kid at home with little or no worries. I love comfort food! 

Cars...

Today (technically yesterday by time) I am grateful for cars. Well, vehicles of any kind really. We have had all kinds throughout our years. Chet more than I, but together we have had quite a few. We bought a mustang just this past spring to fill the sports car niche that had been empty for too long. It has been a fun car to drive but with my manager job, I need a car with four doors. (there are other reasons, but they aren't as big of a deal). Anyway, we have been looking at cars the last little bit and almost every where we have been, I have seen someone out walking, riding a bike or waiting for a bus. It has been cold! Not as cold as it is going to get either. Makes me think of how very blessed we have been to have always had at least one car, and most of the we have had more than one. they get me/us places in a timely manner, but mostly they keep me warm! Being cold is one of the worst things for me ever! I am cold far more often than I like, but I have the comfort of being able to go out and get in a  toasty warm car when I need to go someplace. I don't HAVE to walk or ride my bike, if I don't want to. And I don't have to leave early and plan for possible tardiness due to having to wait for a bus! We are truly blessed!!
Yes, I am grateful for cars!

Not the wind...

This evening I am grateful for days when it is NOT windy! There are a lot of things mother nature throws at us that even if I don't like, I can at least find something redeeming about, but not the wind!
Well, I suppose that isn't entirely true. I guess I can say that I don't mind when it blows away my leaves. At the same time though, I really don't like it when it blows stray leaves and tumble weeds into my yard. So, I think it is a wash!
So what I can say, is that I am honestly grateful for the days and nights when the wind does not blow!

Yesterday.....

Today, I am behind! So, since I can't remember what I had been going to post about yesterday, I will make my catch up post about being grateful that nothing from yesterday can ruin tomorrow if you don't let it. 

That goes for so many aspects of life. Much like the ole' adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" Yesterday I feel asleep before writing my thankful down and forgot what it had been. But today I am making up for it by making two separate posts. And I am truly grateful for another day tomorrow to improve and start a new.  I am thankful for yesterday because it helps me set a new goal for tomorrow! 

Bed time...

This is a bit of an oxymoron for me to be grateful for. I am much like a little child taking a nap when it comes to bed time. I can be so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, and for some odd reason, I fight to stay awake. Like I am going to miss something special if I doze off too soon!
Still, I am grateful for bed time, laying down in a cozy warm bed, with my sweetheart next to me slowly drifting off to sleep. (sometimes VERY slowly, other times not so much.)
Sometimes when I finally stop fighting the tired, I wonder to myself why it is that I fight so hard to stay awake? I have yet to figure that one out, but tonight is one of the nights I am going to cave into the tire early. Stop fighting and enjoy the slowly (perhaps not so slowly tonight) drifting off to sleep.

Running...

Today, I am grateful for running! A few years ago I don't think I ever would have said that! I use to look at people running, and it just made me hurt. Now I see people running and wish I was running with them! Running has become something soothing for me! A total stress reliever! Not to mention that fact that the more I have done it, the better at it I have gotten. No I am not the fastest runner, but I can go faster than "I" use to be able to go, and I can not run the longest distances, but I can go farther than "I"  use to be able to go. Hopefully with time and practice I will be able to improve even more.
I just got back from a relaxing run and now I am ready to take on anything! Not only do I feel great, my mind is clear and I am calm! So today (and any day I get to go) I am grateful for running! :)Run happy!

MY life....

Today, I am totally grateful for MY little life! The one that will pass by silently more or less without anyone knowing I was ever here!
Seriously! The fact that my life goes form day to day, without anyone knowing that I was here, or that I wasn't makes no difference to me, as long as I KNOW that to the people closest to me I did the best I could for the day I was living in at that moment!
I am FAR from perfect, I know that. I am trying on a daily basis to better today than yesterday, and as far as I KNOW, that is the best any of us can hope for!
I can only hope at then end of my life, is that those around me will know that I did the very best I could from day to day. Some days I am sure I did better than others, but that wasn't because I wasn't trying!

Here is to tomorrow, and having another chance to be better tomorrow than we were today!

Clouds....

Today was the first day of the season that it snowed or rained  for almost the entire day.
For most people this is probably not a big deal. It is just how things go and part of the season cycles.
For Me however, it is a very big deal! This weather is hard for me. Try as I may it tends to bring me down and make me sad!
We had some running around that needed to get done today, so I didn't have much choice in the staying in and out of the cold and the wet, so today I was trying  to find something to be okay with. I finally found it in the way home this evening.
The wind was starting to blow things out and the sun was trying to peek through the clouds, and the clouds were simply amazing and breath taking to look at and watch. They changed minute to minute, it was almost like watching slow motion filming. It was so neat! So very beautiful!
So today, I am grateful for the beautiful clouds!

Weekends!

Today is very simple! I am SO grateful for weekends! Some weeks are just enough to almost make you NOT want to do it again, so it is SO nice to have a weekend thrown in there to have a chance to regroup and recover!

Paying bills....

Okay, so I don't really  like paying bills. So to clarify, what I am grateful for.

I am grateful that at the end of the day, after I have written the checks out and set up all the payments. Bought the food and gas for the car, there is still a little bit left over to get us through till the next payday!

I am grateful that my new job is helping us to get out of debt, and better prepared for a perhaps uncertain future. 

I am grateful, that when I am done paying the bills, that I am not a sobbing mess laying with my head on the table glad that no one was home while I was paying the bills, so I could cry alone, and wonder how on Earth, we were ever going to make it 2 weeks!

I have been there, and lived that! I am SO grateful that at this point in our lives through much hard work and determination, and despite some stupidity on our part from time to time (unwise purchases have happened a time or two) we are where we are. Being able to pay the bills without having a meltdown!

I still get stressed. Just this time, I felt completely guilty because we have spent SO much on medical and dental things for just me this last month. It made me a little bit sick, and it made me feel totally selfish. I  know better...but still...

So really, today I am grateful for being able to pay the bills!

Goals....

As I am typing this out, I wonder how silly it might seem to someone else. I kind of still seems silly to me, but in all honesty it has been on my mind for the last couple of days...so it needs to be written down.

Today I am grateful for goals!
That's right...goals. Those simple little ideas that pop into your head, that kick you into action. Planning and coming up with ways to get from point A to point B successfully.
I am grateful for having things that I am working towards daily. For finding ways to improve myself. I am even grateful for failing! Because failing is simply another chance to start again, as long as I don't give up.
Four years ago I set a goal to get healthy and in better shape. This year I can proudly say that total I lost almost 50 pounds and have kept 40 of it off for the last 3 years. I am very active and just last month Ford ran his first race with me and it was my 4th!
My current fitness goal is to get back to eating as health as I had been (kinda been slacking in that area) and to get to where I can run a 10K without feeling like I am going to die! :)
I have many other goals that I chose not to share. I think most goals should remain personal. Only sharing them with the person/people closest to you, so that if you do fail, and at some point it is inevitable, there won't be someone out there secretly cheering that you flubbed up, and you won't feel so ashamed of yourself.
So part of this being grateful is I am also grateful to be setting a few new goals over these last few days! I am almost always up for a challenge, and some of these goals might just prove to be! Ready or not! :)

November 12th...

Today, I am grateful for the day November 12th 1966... I wasn't even born yet, and yet it is one of the very best days ever!!!
This is the day I get to celebrate the day my best friend was born! Chet Parker Was born on a Saturday (according to the internet) Also according to the internet there was a solar eclipse that same day. (Who knows if you can trust the internet though?)
I honestly only care about the main event on that day. The one day that would directly affect me 20 years later. When fate, if you want to call it that was set into motion at a high school football game.
Huh... Who knew something good could ever come out of a FOOTBALL GAME?
 
  Well, it did! It hasn't all been sunshine and roses, but even the thorns and clouds have brought us closer together and stronger over the years!

Yes, today I am most certainly grateful for my best friend, my lover, my confidant, the Father of my children, my provider and protector and so much more!!! Born on this, the 12th day of November.
Chet Parker, I love you forever and always! The End!

That grand ole' flag...

Today, I am thankful for the beautiful flag posted out in my front yard by the boy scouts! That big beautiful flag flying in the grocery store parking lot that can almost always make me tear up!
I am grateful for that flag because of all of the things it represents. The freedom we enjoy in this place we call home, to come and go as we please, to worship as we please and even to disagree with our neighbor, friend or even the government!
I am so grateful for the brave men and women who serve or have served in the military, to ensure that the freedoms we are suppose to be able to enjoy will continue. I am sure not one of them signs up thinking that this will be the end for them, but it has got to be somewhere in their mind, that it is a possibility. Then still they sign up to go out and defend our way of life.
Everytime I see that beautiful flag, be it the little one hanging above my shed door in the back yard or the enormous one in the grocer parking lot, I LOVE that flag and everything it was ever suppose to stand for! And I pray daily that it will continue to stand for all of those things for a very long time to come!

IKEA...

IKEA...That is really all that needs to be said! Tonight, I am grateful for IKEA! Over the last several years they have been key in helping to organize my otherwise messy and totally confused house!
Not that my house is intentionally messy and unorganized, but with NO direction to head sometimes I am at a complete loss as to how to get things in order. A house of order is important! What good is anything you have when you need it if you can't even find it?
Today I was able to get a couple more tasteful pieces to help me in my endeavour to become more organized and look better than a slum hole while doing so!.
So tonight, thank you IKEA for helping with the slow organization of my home!
(pictures to follow)

The day with my sweetheart!

I am grateful that today I got to spend the day with my sweetheart! :)
Nothing in particular to do, aside fro the errands that must be run on the weekend that one doesn't always have time to run durring the week days. And the odd appointments that you might be able to squeeze in here and there that you can't fit in durring the regular week days. Such as eye exams fro both Megan and Chet and ordering new sets of glasses for both for birthdays anda chirstmas gifts.

It kind of sucks that that is whta has to happen, but at the same time, being able to provide the things that are truly needed are really what it is suppose to be able in the first place. Right?

So, today, we bought glasses and a gun! What a better way to start the holidays out right? And tomorrow, we are going shopping for some storage for me. So I can get better organized! Whoop! By the end of this weekend, I should be able to see organized and broke! ;) Still... a GREAT weekend in all! AND a weekend spent with my SWEETHEART! No better weekend ever!

Yesterday....

I missed yesterday, but not because I didn't have anything to write, but because I was busy untill it was late. And by the time I finally slowed down enough, I just fell asleep without getting the chance to make my post!

So, here it is...

  I am grateful for sunny and warm days after it starts to get really cold!
I got to go out for a 2 mile run yesterday before I got down to the nitty gritty and got into some serious yard waro since I had the chance to do so thanks to the nice weather!
Now I have a nicely mowed and de-leafed back yard. BEFORE it actually snows and stays. At least for the moment! And that is what I was grateful for yesterday. Still today for that matter!

Last minute yard work...

Today I am grateful for last minute yard work. The stuff you end up leaving for last hoping you will get to it before it snows type stuff.
Last year, to be honest, I didn't get to it before it snowed, but this year, thanks to mother nature and her kindness, I have been able to mostly get it done. And, hopefully I will be able to finish it tomorrow before the days end!

Being me!

This post maight sound a bit self absorbed, or concieted, and I certainly do not mean for it to be such. SO, let it be stated, I by no means think of myself as better than any one ever!
  That being said, today I am totally grateful to be ME! It has taken me a long time to get where I am. To be okay with the person looking back at me from the glass.
I have to admit, that there are still those days when I look and what I see still falls so short of where I feel like I should be! And in some aspects of my life, that my never change. (Take for instance my attendance of church services and civic duties.)
Anyway, after a very long and uncomfortable day, after being stretched far beyond my comfort zone, I can honestly say I am okay just being me. Hanging out in the background, helping out where needed but not wanting to be put in the limelight. (what is limelight anyway?)  At the same time, I am glad I have been given these moments, where I can see that where I am is not the only place I will be able to survive!
Being me hasn't always been a comfortable place, but right now, in this space and time. There is no one else, and no place else I would rather be!

Nap time....

It may seem silly and trivial, but today, I am grateful for nap time! Planned nap time or those ones that out of nowhere, come over you and suck up time that should have been spent more wisely on other things!
I think the naps that sneak up on you, are the ones that are probably needed the very most. Which is why today I am grateful for them!
I came home from work today with my mind full of all the things I needed to get done. I made the mistake of sitting down to look something up on the interweb, and that was the beginning of the overtaking!
I had a major headache and sitting there the sleep demon just crept over me. I thought I will lay down for just a minute......The next thing I new it had been an hour and a half!

  I can say though, that when I woke, even though I still had/have the headache, the rest of me felt rested and ready to do whatever I needed to do. I even still got my workout in, even though it was much later than planned!
SO! There you have it! I am grateful for sneaky naps! :)

Sarcastically thankful, seriously!

Tonight I am being thankful in a seriously sarcastic way, but I am seriously thankful!
So let's get it right out there...I am SO thankful for the dentist! I love laying with the blood rushing into my head while my feet slowly get colder during the time I am tipped.
I love the way the pain shoots through my face when the dentist says "just a little pinch" as he sticks the needle into my gums, and I try to remain motionless in the chair so he doesn't accidentally stick me someplace unneccessary!
I love the time I have to lay there peacfully resting while waiting for the numb to take affect, all the while thinking of both the things I need to be doing,  and the things I would rather be doing besides laying the slightly inverted!
I love the sound of the drill chipping away at my teeth, and the splashing of the watter on my face while they drill. I love the burning smell the accompanies the drilling, and the blurred vision from the vibration eminating through my head from the drill...Oh, and let's not forget the suddne urge to need ot visit the restroom as soon as the dentist puts his hands in my face!
Last but not least, I LOVE feeling like my face is slowly melting off and not being able to drink anything or look like a normal person for the remainder of the afternoon, thanks to the numbing shot.

This comes from laying in the denstis chair this afternoon for almost 2 hours (45 minutes of that time was wait time).
I can honestly say that I really like my dentist...for being a dentist. And the chairs in the office are completely comfy! They even have built in massagers! They provide me with a blanket, because their office is ALWAYS too chilly for my bones! And they are extremely gentle with me (especially since they know I hate the dentist!)
I am very grateful for being able to take care of my teeth and hopefully keep them in good shape so I might have them long into my older adult life, as gumming food does not sound like an enjoyable endevour to me!
So, there, you see? Sarcastically serious, and thankfull to boot!

My workout buddy....

Today I am very grateful for my workout buddy! Ford Parker!!
He works hard with me laughs with and at me and makes me want to work even harder all while at the same time making it hard for me to work because he keeps me cracking up. When you're working out and laughing, it is hard to do much of anything!
I am so proud of the huge strides he has made in his personal life and the good example he can and has been to me. Always taking such good care of me! Reminding me to seek out the positive in the things around me!
Thanks so much Ford for being my workout buddy! It means more to me than you will ever know!

Good health...

Today is day three of a slight chest cold. And for me this is pretty unusual. I am over all very healthy (thank goodness!) So when I do get sick and worn down it always hits me really hard how much I take for granted good health and feeling good over all.
So today as I am starting to feel better, I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for being able to exercise on a regular basis and for having the desire to keep up on my health for my sake and for my families sake. I hope that by taking better care of myself it will perhaps make it easier on them to maybe have to care for me in the long run. 
Beside (said with a guilty grin) exercise has become my passion. I love and enjoy it. So to that end I am once again grateful for my health! 
I also want ti issue the invitation to anyone else to get in better health. All it take is some desire, determination and some self control! Come on...you know you want to ;) 

Lazy days..

Today I am totally grateful for lazy days! You know the kind. 
The ones where after you finally drag yourself out of bed after sleeping unusually later than normal, then just slowly no hurry to go anywhere or do anything in particular get ready for the day. 
Mosey here and mosey there....just enjoy the time that you don't have to hurry to get somewhere!
Today was totally that kind of day for us. I woke up in a hurry to get up and get going, but Chet unknowingly, gave me permission to slow down, take a breath and really just slow down for a minute!  
   So instead of the last weekend accomplishing all of the things I felt like we needed to do, we spent just moseying around town enjoying the last bit of warm sunshine and each others company!  
So today, I am grateful for lazy days! :) What a good day!

Well, here it is again...

Well, here it is again, already! The first of November! The month when we tend to reflect a little bit more on the year that is almost behind us, and when we try a little harder perhaps to remember ALL of the things we are grateful for. 

I try when in daily prayer to remember to be thankful for all my blessings, but there is something different about writing them down and looking at them in print that truly puts them in a different perspective. At least for me.

   SO...to start this month off, I will be thankful for my current challenge, and also subsequently a quarter of my soul and huge chunk of my heart. 

My daughter Megan.

Megan is my sunshine, my bright spot, my funny little girl, my memory (she remembers things for me), she is beautiful, strong and talented.

She also has a huge heart. For everyone! She feels for the underdog and befriends everyone. She is incredibly loyal.

She is currently going through some major life changes and very personal struggles, but I know over time she will come out of this on top! She will be stronger and more resilient than ever, and have an ever great perspective on life.   

Even though this is her challenge, Her journey. I have been drawn into this challenge right there along with her. That's what Moms do. That's how the job of Mom works. For most of us anyway. We can't just sit back and watch as the world unfolds around our children without being affected by the way it is affecting a part of our souls and hearts. It just doesn't work that way. Which in some ways is good, but in some ways just doesn't seem fair.

   Still, when this is all said and done, whatever the outcome, I honestly believe that she will come out on top! It may take a little while to dig out from the rubble, but when it is all said and done and the dust settles, she will be sitting on top, dirt smudges on her face right there with a smile. The angel in my life she was sent to be!

Megan Chelsey Parker Nelson, I love you! Thank you for your example and your inspiration! You are one of my heros! 

Ending of the season...

Well, this is it....It is the end of the season. I Dug up the last of the veggies from my garden today. (sigh) 
This is a bittersweet time for me. The garden is a labor of love for me and I totally enjoy working out there and tending to things and watching them grow. I enjoy keeping things looking nice, which for the last couple of years I have been very lax on the weeds. 
Still in all, it usually looks acceptable and we have been very blessed with what we have been able to reap from the labours.
     This year I planted several things I hadn't planted before. I planted Egg plant, peanuts and I was even able to get potatoes to grow this year!! Wahoo!
All in all, it was a very good season for us, and we have been very blessed!
I am sad to see it end, glad to have a break, but not at all looking forward to the colder weather that is already making its presence felt! 
One of these days (not for a very long time I am sure) I think I will just up and move to somewhere warmer! HA! Like I said, if it were to ever happen it would not be till we retired, and since that is not likely to ever happen.....
I do so look forward to planting again next year and seeing what all we get! 

Have ya ever just....

Have you ever just????
I mean really..... This sort of thinking is what might get me in trouble, but it is the sort of thinking I do all too often.
Have you ever just wondered, if anyone might miss you if you were gone? Or what would be remembered most.
Have you ever just wondered if you have had any kind of influence in someone elses life?
Have you ever wondered if you really ended up in life where you were really meant to be?
Have you ever wondered, how many times in a day you were either misunderstood, or just totally take the wrong way, or maybe taken out of context?
Have you ever wondered how hard it would be to fix the above...or cared about fixing it in the first place...
Have you wondered who might come looking for you were you lost, or who might be relieved you were gone (at least for a time).
The list of have you wondered goes on and on, and changes form day to day, and sometimes minute to minute.
Maybe if I focus on some of the more important things, something good will happen?! That is at least the goal! 

Distance can be so....distant....

I don't know why it is, but sometimes, the past comes out of nowhere and leaves one longing for the past. Even if it might just be a small bit of the past.
I received a message from a girl I use to work with. Someone, whom I will always consider a good friend. Someone, I am sure I knew before I came to this life. Someone I will cherish always. 
The message I received from her came to me like the chiming of the bells in a tall tower! Loud and clear! A reminder of a time gone and forever changed!

I have spent some time reflecting on this, and wondering why the past can be so far gone, and yet mean so much. I have no answers to that question, however; I know that the past is a forever influence on how we see today.

Take for example, our children. When we look at our children in the present, we often have difficulty seeing them as the adults they have become, due to the fact that we still see them as the children of our past. Be it distant or just yesterday. It is still the past.

This part of the realization has come to me just this very moment. This moment in time when my married daughter has come in my room to share her most recent triumph, with us. Her broken down car, is once again up and running. Hooray for little triumphs, because I think they are what give us the courage to get up and try again. All that said, I am totally missing the days when the biggest worries I had for my kids is a scrapped knee or unkind teasing from a classmate. Worries; yes, but easier ones to deal with than the ones facing me now.
Can't we just go back a  few years ago, to when things seemed to move a little slower and a little smoother, although I don't think I thought that back then.
So much time has past, and so quickly, yet it has created such a distance. And one that almost makes me wonder if I was ever really there? 

Well, it's been a while now hasn't it?! Well, maybe that's because things just seem the same, day in and day out. They aren't exactly the same but for the most part they really are.
Get up go to work, go home take care of the day to day tasks, spend time with family (the ones that you get to see) wind down, go to bed and start the whole process over again.
This school year seemed to last FOREVER! I was moved around a lot from school to school covering for managers that took time off for one reason or another. Good training for me and extra money, but hard to find your groove at the new school they put me at this year, when I was gone all the time. It all worked out okay though, because I finally landed a manager job of my own when school starts back up in the fall. Should be interesting to see how things all play out.
 Megan and Justin, had their first anniversary, and their second and third break up and get back together over this last year. They are currently living with his crazy Mother. Megan is working two jobs and Justin isn't working at all at the moment. I just keep hoping they are smart enough NOT to have kids! But much like being able to pick your childrens spouses, you can't tell them when to and not to have children either. I can simply pray that they will use their heads and keep the innocent kids out of it until such time that they are truly ready for them, if they ever will be. 
Ford is still living at home and just working day to day. He is still working out with me on the days I am home to do so, and he is still going to the gym with a couple of other guys he knows. He is not dating at all, and after watching Megan and Justin, says he really doesn't need the drama! Not that I can blame him at all. Still, I wish he would at least go to the singles ward and meet some other kids his age to hang out with. I know he is still lonely. His 2 friends that he does have have other things to do and other friends to hang out with, and when they are busy he is left with no one. I know that I can't make him go or meet people, but still I wish for his sake, that he would!
As for me, I am doing the same thing I do every summer! Going with Chet as much as I can, working out and working in the garden. The summer is already going by way to fast for my liking! But it has been good so far. I did get to go to St George and attend a school nutrition conference for work, and while I was there I got to spend time with my parents. It was a super short time but it was nice. A while back I showed my Mom some exercises she could do to strengthen her self and I was so impressed and proud of her for the improvement she has made! That along with her continued efforts have given her a lot of improvement since she started! I was glad to have been part of that too! :)
Anyway, everything else is very much the same as usual, it is summer time, and tractor work is upon us so it's go to work at one job, get home change clothes and go to work at the other job. Sometimes it can make for a very long day. Sometimes, it seems like all we do is work! One of these days all this hard work is bound to pay off, and we will be out of debt and then we will be able to play more mixed in with the working. At least that is the goal!

What MY fitness journey has become...

So I have blogged a bit about my journey into becoming more fit and healthy before, but this journey for me, has become something more.  Something I never would have believed if someone told me this is what it would become. 
This journey that I began, has somehow morphed into a journey that others have decided to join in with me. Chet and I were talking about this just today. How I am completely amazed, and taken back, by both all the support I have been given since beginning this journey and all of the questions that have come to me, by way of people watching where I was and how far I have come.
I never thought anyone, except perhaps my kids, would be watching me and what I did/do on a fairly regular basis. I don't know if anyone ever thinks they are being watched (for good or bad), but I am here to tell you, that even when you think no one is watching you, some sees. Someone is being influenced one way or another by the way you are living/or not your life!
   The first person I know of that actually said they were impressed with how far I had come and decided to work with me, was a gal from work last year. Now, I have been transferred and no longer work with her. I miss the opportunity I had to get to know her better and to workout with her. It was really fun, and now it is just hard to find a time that works with both of us to be able to get together at the same time. Maybe if we keep working at it, it will happen. 
A quote I saw, not long after I had finally reached the mile stone of losing 40 pounds, said "At first they will ask you WHY you do it, then they will ask HOW you did it." I kind of laughed when I saw it, because I had indeed been asked on a regular basis, WHY I was doing it. Why, now that I had finally reached one of my goals was I still working so hard. I would get that all the time. I even got told by some, that I had become obsessive. To which I just laugh at, and think to myself, if they saw me now what would they think... ;)
Anyway, the last part of the quote has also come to be true for me. That is the part of this journey I never expected to become part of my journey.
I have been asked by more people, both friends and mere acquaintances how I got it shape? How do I stay motivated? What do I eat? How often do I workout? What kinds of workouts do I do... and the list goes on! I have an acquaintance, who has a Facebook page dedicated to fitness, who messaged me and asked if I would share my story with the followers on her page, which I did. (made me slightly uncomfortable). Just recently Ford decided he had watched his Mom get into shape for long enough, and he decided it was time for him to begin, which he has done, and I have tried to help and keep him motivated. One way I have done that, is to workout with him usually three nights a week. It has been a good thing for us to be able to work together on a common goal. Now, Megan has decided that it is something that she wants as well, and she has been coming down on the days that she can, and working with Ford and I. One day, she came on a day Ford couldn't and she even brought a friend with her. Just now she sent me a message telling me she was about to bust out a workout all by herself for the first time! It is exciting to see that I have made an impact on them. :)
Yesterday, after  the workout Ford and I did, he told me I had great abs! :) Made my night! Especially since, we are our own worst critics and, I still just see all of the work I still have to do. 
Today, I got a personal message from a guy, that went to school with Megan, telling me that he was trying to take better care of himself and eat more healthy, but was having a hard time finding recipes, and did I have any suggestions...... I am taken so aback by the fact that anyone would feel like I would be the person to ask...So flattered that anyone would think enough of the strides I have made. I still feel awkward thinking that anyone is looking to me for answers, but I have learned a lot over the last three years, and if someone feels it would be worth their time to ask me a question, I will do my best to answer it to the best of my knowledge and if I don't know, well then, maybe I should find out! ;) Since beginning this journey in November 2009, I have run 3 5K races (with more to come this year), each time bettering my personal time, I have continued to learn more about strength training and how good it is, especially for women, I have learned more, but not enough about nutrition, and I am down a total of 50 pounds since the beginning. Huge strides have been made! What an adventure this journey has become. It should be interesting to see where it might lead me to next! 

♫Time, keeps on slipping into the future.....♪♪♫

This picture was taken in 2008

Wow, time sure has a way of getting away from us doesn't it? There have been SO many things I have thought about and meant to blog about over the last few months! All the way from the shooting in Connecticut, at Sandy Hook, to the race I ran in January in temperatures, I never thought I'd be out in, on purpose, let alone FOR a purpose!
So, since I am reminiscing back to the shooting, let me start with some thoughts of that incident.
For some, and probably for most, the "school shooting" was simply a huge tragedy! But for some of us, especially those of us who work in the schools, and around these special souls who are simply in children's bodies at their current state, it was SO much more than a tragedy! I was first alerted to the shooting event the day of, about a half hour or so after the shootings had taken place. I have internet on my phone, and was checking my Facebook as we sat down for lunch. A friend of mine who lives in Georgia, had posted a prayer going out to all those affected by the shooting at the elementary school..."WHAT THE HECK?" was my first thought. Then upon further investigation I found out the ugly truth about what was unfolding before our nations eyes!!! Holy crap!!! Remember now, that I work in an elementary school! With a BUNCH of these beautiful spirits in small peoples bodies!!! I was just now preparing to serve them a hot lunch and send them all out to play and enjoy a recess! I have never served a harder lunch, save ONE!
    It was the spring, almost summer of 2008, West Point Junior high. Megan was in 9th grade that year, and Ford was in 7th grade. It was the day the 9th grade students were suppose to be heading to Lagoon, for the 9th grade Lagoon day.... A day neither I nor my children will ever forget!!!
I was working at Sunset Jr High at the time, and we had a radio that we listened to everyday. Over the airwaves came a news report of the "LOCK DOWN" at West Point Jr High school...."Holy cow...that is my kids school...that can't be right....nothing EVER happens in West Point Utah!!!
Megan had gotten a cell phone for her birthday that year, and I will never forget the call I received from her that morning!
"Mom? I don't know what to do.... we are hiding in the bathroom, and SWAT is going through the halls...Mom? I'm scared and I don't know what to do, or where to go....please help me!!!"
Oh, MY..... Just typing out those words, that I still hear in my head...make tears run....I will NEVER forget that phone call! Nor the fact, that I had NO idea where Ford was or IF he was okay....
Fast forward to the current situation and the shooting that has now taken place at Sandy Hook Ele..... I am having a conversation with Ford about what has taken place.....
Now, years later is when I learn what HE remembers of that fateful "LOCK DOWN" for him......
He had a teacher, Mr. Leak. (Mr Mark Leak). When the lock down went into effect, this was the class Ford was in.
Megan was hiding in a bathroom and called me to find out what she should do...I told her to go to the nearest classroom and stay there till the lock down was over. I had no idea about Ford! I was so worried! No calls were going into the school and I had no way of getting a hold of him! (which, by the way, is one reason why my kids have had a cell phone from that time since).
I finally found out from him, some of the things that went through his head on that terrifying morning....
The fear, not only for himself, but for his sister, who he knew was somewhere in that building.
The memory of an amazing teacher, who after getting the kids to the farthest corner from the door, turned HIS chair to face the door. Giving the students in his charge, the impression, that no matter what happened, he would be there to protect them! If even for a brief moment in time, they felt safe because he was willing to put himself between them and the door...harms way if you will. Now I only found this out, because of Sandy Hook. The events that took place, stirred all kinds of memories for the kids who had shared in that "LOCK DOWN" that day. All of the kids in Ford's class that day all remembered Mr Leak, being willing to position himself in a way to make his students feel safe! I cried more than once the day of the Sandy Hook shooting. Partly for the sad and senseless loss of life, but for the willingness, of those who chose the life of an educator, that goes so much farther than that of educator! Just as those adults who lost their lives at Sandy Hook that day proved! I have an admiration for them that will never dim!
There will be more to come in the way of catching up in the very near future. This one had to come first though, because it has been on my mind ever since that day!