Never the same...

I have been thinking a lot lately about how the years come and go, but with ever passing year though they might be similar they are never completely the same!

Part of what has got

me thinking about this is the "Ice Thing" that Chet

does every year.

Some years it gets going really fast, some years the wind blows and it grows a little lop sided, some years it gets going just a bit at a time, growing day by day, inch by inch. Sometimes, it starts out looking great, and like this year it gets warm and melts before it has much of a chance to get very big.

Like the ice thing, every year brings us different challenges and different lessons that we are suppose to be learning. Hopefully the lessons we have learned have been learned well enough that we won't need to repeat these particular lessons again, but we will continue to grow day by day, inch by inch, into something that when people pass by us they want to stop and look because we have touched them somehow in their life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas full of all the joys that this season is suppose to bring. With more focus being on the gift that the Savior gave to us That through the years as we continue to grow and change we will be molded into the people that his gift gives us the opportunity to become! Always remembering that things are never staying the same! Excpet for the love our Savior has for each and everyone of us!

Love you all Merry Christmas.

It's official!

Well, It's official! I think I have finally lost my mind! I know that this might have been obvious to some for quite some time now, but for me, it sorta snuck up on me!

This month Ford had his SEOP conference for school. It was decided that if he didn't do something major and soon, he would not be able to graduate. So now, he is not only going to regular school, but he also goes to make up school from 2:30 to 4:30 Monday through Wednesday, then to top off the day for him, he goes straight fro school to work and works from usually 5 to 8 or 9 depending on the day. He still has at least 4 more weeks of this, not to mention trying to keep up with the stuff around the house, IE laundry and chores. It is enough to say that his life right now is not a very happy one. Oh the lessons we must learn the hard way. (I am sure in the back of his mind some place he is asking himself why didn't I just listen to Mom)

Then there is Megan..... Oh Megan! I wish I knew just what to do with Megan. At this point I am just trying to love her tons (which I DO) and try not to hurt her on the days when it seems like she needs a good throttling!

Really all I can say about Megan, is she is still not wanting to grow up, and not seeing the need to do so at this point in her life. Chet asked her if she couldn't see why she needed to work more than she is working currently (about 16 hours a week if she is lucky) and she in all seriousness said "No."

All she wants to do is music. I wish her all the best but when she wants it bad enough to do whatever it takes....then she will want it bad enough. She is not to that place yet.

A while ago, Chet hurt his shoulder at work. He has been going to the Dr for it for a while now. They finally did an MRI on him last week and have decided that it will be necessary for him to have surgery to repair some of the damage that has been done, so as to ease some of the pain and discomfort that he is experiencing. His surgery is tentatively scheduled for the 22nd of December. He is feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point not knowing how on earth he is going to be able to take care of his job! There is no one to come and help him while he is off. We were talking about this today, and the last time he took a vacation was over two years ago. Simply because it is just to hard to get back on top of things if he misses any time.

As for me...well let's just say, the crazy has seemed to taken over me a little bit more than usual. I think it might be the time of year...maybe it's the weather??? It might just be all things working in tandem. Whatever it is I have found it very hard to be nice to people I find to be behaving stupidly. Mostly this would have to be directed at some of the people I work with. I know this is my own personal little battle, but some days I swear I feel like I am waging a full on war with myself, just to be nice. I did not know that common sense was so lacking with SO many people.

The fact the Megan seems to be displaying symptoms of this lack also has not helped with things between her and I.

I would pray for patients, but I am terrified as to what the Lord might give me as my next challenge. This too shall pass and I just need to try to find the positive. (I am trying Dad!) This seems a daunting task some days, but still there is much out there to be grateful for.

Thanksgiving is next week and I have been thinking a lot about the things that I am grateful for. The list is too long to post here, but just know that I know, that I have more to be thankful for than I would ever be able to say.

Despite the struggles we have been having in our little family, I have to say "WE" are what I am most grateful for! I just need to keep it all in perspective somehow!

This year....

This year seems to be and have been, my personal year for tough struggles! I am not one to usually look forward to another year going by as quickly as possible, but I must say that I am hoping that if next year will be better, that I hope this year will hurry up and get over!

Started out, I turned 40. No big deal really but try telling that to my eyes! Apparently you are allowed to have great eyes till you turn 40 and then you are required to start holding things at a much greater distance than you ever use to just to be able to see them. I can't even have Chet up close because it makes me dizzy because he is out of focus.

Next there was the stress of trying to get Megan to graduate. Which she did by the skin of her teeth. She called to tell me she told me she would. Me on the other end of the phone in tears told her I was glad she had!

Spending most of the summer on the road with Chet, bouncing for one town to the next. (This was the BEST part of my year! Love my time with Chet!) My garden suffered greatly from the lack of daily attention. Well, ok, it really suffered from the late start and the weird weather, but still the weeds looked like they had taken over! Something that I have never really let happen before. It bothered me a bit, but not really enough to spend the time when I was home to fix it.

I applied for a position as a manager this year, and didn't get it, which was ok for the time being. Chet said that it is ok with him that I didn't get it, but financially it would really be a help if I could make more money! I am hoping to be able to re-do the managers training this year, and then reapply at the end of this school year. Time will tell. I would like to have something to rely on for my own.

School started out with all kinds of stress at work. We had one lady take time off to have knee surgery done on both of her knees. One at a time, so she will be off work till sometime in March or April I think. Then we had another lady get a full time job with the University of Utah right after school started, which she took because the school district no longer offers positions that would allow anyone to get benefits through the district. (stupid if you ask me!) Then another lady was having trouble with her feet so she took a month off to see if she would feel any better.

Wow! I am tired just thinking about it all! So, needless to say, things at work have been insanely crazy! With nothing less than three subs now for weeks!

My whole point to this, is that this year has seemed to last forever! There has been a LOT of stress and a lot of things I hope to never relive in my lifetime. I am sure it could be worse, and I pray continually that it does not!

This year I hope to ring in a much happier New Year!

Anniversary

So, last Friday was my 22nd anniversary. Who knew that many years ago that we would even make it to where we are today?

I know there were a lot of people that were surprised that we lasted more than a year. We really were young, looking back at it all now. Thinking that if Megan were me she would already be married right now. Wow! That is a startling thought! I feel like I was more ready to begin my own life than she is, but maybe that is just all in ones own perspective.

Thanks to Chet for loving me for this long and for making sure I talk to him. I have learned, that above everything else we do, talking about things is what has helped us make it through some of the toughest challenges any marriage can face.

I am very excited when I look to the future and spending more time with the two of us! Thanks for being my best friend! Here's to Forever more!

Weddings....

I have to say first and foremost, that I have been to a relative few amounts of weddings compared to the people that I know have been married. Also, the actual weddings I have been to for the most part have all been L.D.S weddings.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a wedding of my very close friends daughter. Although she is L.D.S. she chose a different life path. On this path the man she met and chose is not L.D.S. and for their wedding it was one of the farthest things from any wedding I have been to. (not bad by any means)

At the beginning of the wedding they had what the guy performing the wedding called a Buddhist Blessing (I think that is what he called it). For knowing that at the end of this life, this union will be over, still the ceremony was one of the most memorable I have ever been to.

One of the first things he did was have the bride take the grooms hands palms up into her hands and examine them. He reminded her that these would be the hands that would hold her and give her love and comfort. That would lift her when she was down, and help keep her grounded. That will wipe away the tears when she cries, and stoke her cheek to remind her how much love he has for her. There were a few other things that he listed, but I lost track of them. Then he had the groom do the same thing with the bride.

It had to be one of the most emotional ceremonies for me. It felt very personal for me. Firstly probably because I have always loved Chet's hands! His hands are strong and can fix most things. They are an extension of him. I love his hands! So for the Preacher guy, (I'm not sure he was a preacher) to point this out to the two of them, it became very personal to me. It touched my soul and reminded me how grateful I am for Chet and his hands. For being there lo lift me up and keep me grounded all at the same time.

While talking to my Mom about the ceremony, when I mentioned that I felt like it was a very personal ceremony for me, she told me that she thinks that that is what we are suppose to do at someone else's wedding. Make it personal. To her she feels this way because, at your own wedding, there is SO much going on, that most of the time you miss the things that should stand out the most, so by making someone else's wedding personal to you, you can and might learn something, or be reminded of something you might have forgotten, that could help you in your marriage currently. It made a great deal of sense to me! In this case I think I truly just might have taken more away from the ceremony than the couple did.

I also think that I might just pay more attention to the next one just a bit more than I have before!

The Fair is in town!

Well, it is fair time in Utah once again! I have to say this is one of the things I look forward to most. It signals that fall is officially here and I just love the feeling in the air.

Not to mention that ever since Chet and I have been together, we have been going to the fair. Some of my best memories of the kids being little is taking them to the fair. They look forward to it as much as we do, I think.

This year I took a day off work and Chet and I are going down for the entire day :) Yeah for us! I told Megan that I would pay for her and Ford to come down later if she wanted to drive them down, but I think they both work, so we will have to work something else out for them. Not that that is a hard thing for us. We usually go down more than once, as there are SO many different people to look at and things to see.

Fall is my favorite time of year without a doubt and this year it feels no different. I love the feel in the air and to see all of the things being harvested, both from my garden and all around me! I love it! Makes me remember how many thing I have to be grateful for!

Till next time! :)

First Day back

Well it was official! Today was my first day back to work! School starts on Monday and we had to go get things ready.

Things are going to be changing quite a bit I am thinking! They told the managers to tell all of us that if we want our jobs, that we need to "suck it up" and deal with it. The work is going to be a lot harder this year and the menus a lot more labor intensive. In short, we are going to be working more for yet again less!

What I mean by this is that I have not had a raise for three years! Yes I am glad to have a job that provides me with insurance at a reasonable cost. It would be nice though, that along with said insurance, who's rates go up and up every year, I could get a cost of living raise that would help me cover the cost of said insurance! Last year I barely made enough to cover the cost of insurance without having to come up with any out of pocket above what they took out of my check. I am quite literally working for the insurance only!

Then you have people bitching and moaning about the food we are serving the kids! When there has been no increase in what a school meal costs for the last two years! These people bitching about the food we are serving, are the same people that would be the first to bitch about the increase in meals! Even if it were to give the kids some better options and nutrition!

I mean think about it people! Where else can you go and get a main dish, drink and sides for $2?! Really!

So because there are people out there thinking that the kids are getting the shaft when it comes to eating, I get the shaft (and others like me) for three years running because we are trying to make everyone happy! Let me just say also, that I eat the same food as the kids, and it's not as bad as some people make it out to be! It is not a gourmet restaurant but for the price that is being paid for the meal, it really isn't too bad!

Whew! I think I am done dancing on the soap box for now.I think. ;)

I really am glad that I have a job REALLY!

I am just NOT looking forward to going back, and NOT looking forward to having my insurance rates go up again and still not get any kind of raise.

I can't go any place else and get the summer off, or get paid as much as I do without any kind of schooling (hind sights).

I just had to vent a little bit, after hearing some people out there griping up a storm about things that that haven't really thought completely through from every angle. Not to mention all of the people working their hardest to try to keep as many people as possible happy.

Also, one more thing that bugs the crap out of me.....Oh, never mind....it wouldn't change anyway, and the ones who might be reading this probably feel the same as I do.

I will just leave it as enough said, take a deep breath and try to enjoy the last weekend before work begins with a vengeance.

Almost over....

Well, time is just flying right along. The summer is already almost over :( I am more saddened by it this year than most, maybe because Megan won't be going back to school. At least not as of yet. I am also going to miss the r=time that I have been able to spend with Chet and I have been able to spend together. At least two days a week or more I have been able to go work with him and share the days with him. I really enjoy this and am going to miss it immensely.

I have spent quite a bit of time out riding my bike, but if things go well, I am planning on riding to and from work everyday. Even if I have some small errands to run after work if I take a back pack with me I should be able to do at least some of them before I go home, so I should be able to log quite a few miles every day. At least that is the goal.

Ford is working at Artic Circle as of this moment and Megan is working at Subway still. She is also looking for another job at the moment. I won't say how hard she is or has been looking. For her sake I hope she finds something soon. She has been introduced to the world of credit, she purchased some contacts and glasses and didn't have the money to pay for them up front so chose to finance them. We will see how fast she learns this lesson. Hopefully faster than we as her parents did. Oh well, it is her lesson to learn. In general life is moving right along and things are going well.

Funerals.....

Well, I went to another funeral yesterday. Let me just tell you that they don't get any easier, and the ones for infants and kids get harder the older you get!

As a bit of back ground, some friends of ours have never been able to have kids of their own, but have been blessed to be able to adopt a couple of kids along the way. A couple of years ago their last child that they were able to adopt (a little girl) ended up with a rare form of cancer. They have fought a very brave battle since then, going into remission once, only to have the cancer return with a vengeance, and ended up winning in the end.

You will never go to a sadder funeral than that of a child, and the one that Chet and I went o yesterday was probably one of the saddest I will ever have to go to!

If I never have to go to another child's funeral again in my life time it will be all to soon!

I have been having some struggles of my own lately with my oldest, but this made me think about the fact hat at least she is here to be struggling with! I can not imagine having to go through saying good bye at some place of final rest.

Our friend (the Mother) actually apologized at the end of the funeral for becoming emotional about having to leave her baby girl at the cemetery. (They needed for us to leave so that they could let the trains start running again.)

I cannot imagine the agony of having to leave your baby, at such a lonely place. Thank goodness for knowing that life does go on on the other side and there is a great plan and work for all of us. I just hope to be able to remember that on a daily basis and do the best that I can do.

I also hope that I will leave behind something worth remembering when I am gone. Life is SO short! Remember to make the most of it while you are here.

Bummer!

Well I found out today I did not get a manager position. I have to admit that I am a bit more dis-heartened than I thought I would be about it. I had a feeling last week when I hadn't heard anything, but still even though I tried to plan for it, I am a bit more disappointed.

I think what bothers me most is I feel like I wish I contributed more to the house hold income. Not much that I can do about it though, I guess I will try to take the training again this up coming year so that I can try again next year and maybe have a better shot at it.

It is not all bad. I at least like the school I will be going back to.

I will try to continue to remind myself the Lord has a plan, I just need to do my part to try to make sure I am where he wants me to be so I don't miss out on any opportunities He might have in mind for me.

Megan did it!

Well, the school year is finally over and I am not exaggerating when I say I am truly breathing a sigh of relief, while at the same time doing the happy dance, for both my beautiful and amazing daughter and myself.

Megan GRADUATED!!!!

It was touch and go right up to the day before, but she worked extra hard and pulled it off! She walked with the rest of her class on Friday June 4th and received her diploma.

We still have the announcements that we will be sending out, as soon as we get her senior pictures taken.

I just need to put down in writing some where how proud I am that she stuck to it till the very end!

Just in case some don't know how close it really was.... Megan called me Thursday afternoon while I was working to let me know that she would indeed be able to cross the stage the next day to collect her diploma. SHe told me that part of the reason she worked so hard was so that she could call me and tell me "I told you I would do it!"

Thanks and kudos also to all her teachers and counselors at Canyon Heights High that helped and pushed her harder than I think she has ever been pushed! They too knew she could do it! Megan you are still my Hero! I love you Girly!

Mothers Day

Ok, just so it is known up front and foremost, I am not too fond of Mothers day. It is a day the mostly reminds me of the ways in which I have fallen short as a Mother. Ways in which I might have missed an opportunity to teach a lesson or show more love...you know, things along those lines.

This year, was just a low key version of Mothers day. One in which for the most part I actually relaxed a little bit and just let the day come as it may.

Going to hell for it or not, I didn't go to church to listen to everyone remind me how wonderful their Mom might be and I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about dinner and things of that nature. I did invite Chet's folks over for dinner, but I know that I worried more about cooking his Dads steak, right than I worried about anything for his Mom. (Everything turned out good)

Anyway, I was just super glad to have my family and my adopted girl here to spend time with and to laugh with. Such GOOD times. Laughing and just being plain silly. Laughing at nothing but everything at the same time.

Most especially, I am so grateful for the wonderful man whom I am blessed to get to share this crazy life with. Thank you so much Chet for putting up with me and all my mood swings and emotions. For all the temper tantrums and tear along the way. You really are the best! At least for me you are the best!

I LOVE MY LIFE!

I've been thinking....

I've been thinking. A dangerous past time I know. All the same, this weather has had me in a funk for a while now. It has also given me much to contemplate. One of the signs of the last days is that you won't be able to tell the time of year for the seasons..... not quoting exactly as I am not sure where to find it. It is something along those lines though and has had me thinking about how close we probably really are to the last days and just don't even realize it. We just go about our daily living with no thought of making sure that we are prepared, both personally and our families. I have really let some things slid this last little while and it is wearing on me. I need to make sure my kids know what we need to be doing and that we must always keep working at it.

Some of our wanderings may take us farther than they should and we will have to work harder than ever to get back to even where we were before, but we have to keep working!

These are the thoughts that have been in my head as of late. All in the forefront, because of the crazy weather!

Slacking.....

So I am really slacking! :) Not much right now is going to change that though.

The weather has finally started to warm up and I have been outside working on the yard trying to get it all cleaned up before I start planting the garden.

This year I think my garden will be considerable smaller as I don't need to can as much stuff this year; however, I do need to spaghetti sauce so I may not cut back as much as I was thinking :) I guess only time will tell!

I can hardly wait to get the garden in and for school to be out! It has been hard for me to just stay inside at work. I have taken advantage of the nice weather and have been walking everyday at lunch for at least 15 minutes. The only problem with this is that it makes it harder to go back inside.

I have been wearing my tank top doing my yard work and I am already starting to brown up nicely. To bad I don't like shorts so much, or my legs would have a nice start too. It is just to painful to do real yard in shorts.....it hurts to kneel down and when doing the grass and weed eating.....well lets just say that is a really dumb thing to do in shorts, if you as me! MUCH to painful! Oh well, poor Chet will just have to deal with my white legs!

I hope to have more to report on before too long but for now at least this is an update!

Spring Break so far

So this week has been Spring Break for us, and so far it has been really kind of a bummer! It has been cold and winter like for almost the whole thing! Nothing at all like what spring break is suppose to be like.

Today though the sun came out and it was a bit warmer! Yeah! Down side, I had to go have my first mammogram. Up side, after the mamo, I got to go to Salt Lake and have lunch with my favorite Aunt in the whole world!

Julie and I went to Cafe Rio and got to visit for a whole hour! It was so nice to just sit and visit! All too often life is buzzing around us and sending us so many distractions that we miss a lot in the visiting! Today, we got to visit without being as distracted!

I am so grateful for good family with whom I enjoy spending time with. And thanks Julie for being patient while waiting for me to work out when we could get together! I love you!

Icky sicky update...

The Parker house is down for the count. Megan and Ford have got mono. :(

This is the second time around for Megan, but a first for Ford. They gave them both a shot of steroid to help with the swelling in the glands and lymph nodes Let me tell you, that was NOT a pretty event. Both kids were ok as the shot was being administered, but with in seconds they were both boo hooing. Megan almost passed right out. Gave the nurse and me a good scare. The nurse actually told Ford "MOVE". As he was sitting on the examining table when Megan started to go out. They are usually so much more polite, but I don't think I would have been able to think polite in the same situation either.

They ended up both being ok after the shot but they are still sore in the arms that they got the shot in.

Keep my kids in your prayers please, this is not the way I was hoping to start out the last term of the year. I hope they will be able to catch up. I also hope that I won't kill them before they are well enough to go back to school!

Icky Sicky!

It's official! The icky sicky landed at my house yet again! Only this time it conquered me. Not only did I get sick, I got sick and have stayed sick! I have been sick now for over a week. Ford has also been sick, and what I thought might have been strep throat has now been upgraded to possible mono! Yay! Megan had mono once, and I don't think she ever really got over it. I am praying that it is not what Ford has. Another week and we should know for sure. If he is still sick on Monday then I will be able to take him in and have him tested. So I will be able to give those blood sucking Doctors more of the money I didn't earn this week while I was off work being sick!
Megan has had an upset stomach but nothing the Doctor felt was something he could do anything about.
Chet started in with whatever it is I have, but his only lasted like two days! He is still a bit congested, but nothing like I have been.
I said a while ago, that I was surprised that I didn't get sick before now, with the stress of life, but I guess I spoke too soon, and it finally caught up with me.
I just need to remember, that this too shall pass and I will be healthy in no time. Also, that it could be worse and I could have something that isn't going to go away anytime soon.
Plus (trying to find a positive side) I have lost 2 more pounds in a weeks time. If I keep that up I will be down to my 'dream' weight in no time at all. As it is I am 10 lbs away from where I want to be anyway. :) See so there can be a good side to being sick.

Love it!

Today was the first day I actually got to go for an outdoor bike ride this season! It was magnificent! The sun shining down on my face, the wind blowing my ponytail, the music playing in my ear. It is wonderful to be alive! I am so looking forward to many more of these bike rides throughout the rest of the year. It is also time to start getting the garden ready to go as I was reminded today by Jeff, who already has some of his things planted. I am such a gardening slacker. ;) It's ok though, all in due time for me.

Right now all I can say is I was so grateful for a warm enough to go out sort of day! I love it!

Has anyone else?

I often wonder if anyone else has every had one of those days that you just want to say blah blah blah to everything that either someone says or to every thought that pops into your own head.

That is the kind of day that I have had today!

I even went and had a pamper me day, which I usually really enjoy, but today, every time the girl that was doing my hair tried to talk to me I gave he the most curt short answer I could! I tried to read a magazine, but as the appointment lasted 4 hours (yes...4) I ran out of magazine before I ran out of chair time.

Now I am home and Megan is upstairs reading a book to Ford while he is making dinner for his foods class at school. All I keep thinking is please be quiet! They aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. But just to sound of the voices is making me crazy right now. I think I am seriously in need of a vacation! Some time away with just me and Chet. (heavy sigh)

Ok now that I have vented, maybe I can go upstairs and check the process of dinner without snapping! I know...I'm weird! Again now you have been reminded why I call this MY blog! :)

It's official

Ok so it's official! My daughter is 18! I can't believe she has been part of my life now for that long! At the same time, I can't imagine my life without her being part of it!

Megan is a great person, she is funny, smart, beautiful and the list goes on!

I hope that she will be able to find her niche in life and become everything that the Lord has designed for her! There isn't anything she couldn't do.

Thank you Megan for being such a huge part of my life and for changing the way I look at the world. You make me want to be a better person and you really are one of my hero's! I love you sweet girl! Thanks for "doin' what you can" :) You are the best!

Oh, and just fro the record, I am not sure how she ever got to be that old, because I am certainly not old enough to have an 18 year old ;)

Thoughts.....My thoughts........

My thoughts are as a leaf tossed on the currents of the turbulent winds.

Lifted and tossed with no thought for where the final fall will be.

One moment being lifted high as if to go on and on

The next being shunted down with brutal force, only to be snatched

From a devastating end at the last conceivable moment.

Some currents just carry forward, drifting softly this way or that

In even motion swaying ever so reassuring and comforting.

Breezes swiftly moving and bringing the realization that this

Is a familiar place, that has been visited before.

My thoughts are as the wind, changing at any given moment.

One moment soft as a caressing touch, evoking sensual feelings.

The next raging like the wildest of storms leaving chaos and devastation

In the path of the exhausted storm. Some wreckage never to rebuild.

My thoughts are as the smooth surface of water, being affected by

The smallest most subtle events. Anything from the throwing of

A stone to the falling of a leaf lightly disturbing the surface.

Disguising most frequently the life that exists in the depths below

Keeping safe that which finds refuge there in.

My thoughts are as the sun shine with its rays bringing light

Comfort and warmth. At times dissuaded by clouds of storms

Either on the horizon or dispersing after the long dark night

My thoughts are as eyes with a depth that is not always visible

The way you look and what you are looking for determines

What you see or what may be seen.

They can be shadowed by pain or glowing with pleasure

Having a story to tell all their own for one seeking to find

At times trying to hide other times pleading to be found

Always in any situation longing for acceptance

A Megan update

I just wanted to make sure and document one of the best days Megan has had in a while. Friday's mail brought home Megan's report card. She was anxiously awaiting it's arrival as she was hoping she had made some improvements.

I was exercising on the bike when she brought the mail in and opened the envelope.

Can I just tell you, that was the sweetest moment I have shared with her in a while! She did very well! Nothing below a C and she had 5 count them "5" A's! Never in her life has that happened for her. She was jumping around and screaming her delight! She actually ran out the front door of the house to proclaim to the world that she didn't have anything lower than a C!!!!

It was all I could do not to break right down and cry! I was so happy for her happiness! No one ever told me that so much emotion was going to be tied up in my children! So much happiness for her! Such a simple thing! It was such a good feeling to see her feeling so good!

When?

I am having one of the biggest struggles of my life so far as a parent. Megan will be 18 in a month and a half (about). The struggle comes in knowing when to step back and let go and let her make her choices knowing this will affect the rest of her life.
I tell you she and I have had more fights and disagreements about school and what the future might hold than anything else! I just can't seem to be able to step back and let her make the mistake of giving up on school. I just get so frustrated thinking that she is just throwing away this chance she has been given.
Then too, I am looking back at my own life and wishing I had taken more advantage of the opportunities that I could have, and wondering how different life might be for us now if I had.
Not that life is bad! Don't get me wrong there. I am just wondering, if I would be able to have more time to spend with my family making memories rather than trying to work, in hopes of someday having the money to go and make a memory.
I know that I can't make this choice for her. Or any other choices that will come to her later on, but, it for sure doesn't make it any less painful for me watching her go through this at this point in time. Truly I don't want to make choices for her. I just wish that I could have more of an influence for good in the choices that she is making.
This sweet daughter of mine whom God has in trusted me with the raising of.....I worry and want SO much for you! You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. I believe in you and now must sit back and wait for you to believe in yourself. I love you!

The top of my game....

Well it can truly be said that we can not always be at the top of our game. This week for sure can attest to that!
This is the first week back to school for the kids and work for me. Christmas break always takes its toll, but this year it has been especially hard.
Megan got sick just before New Years and has finally gone back to school today, after missing all week. Let me tell you having her home sick has taken a toll on me as much as it has on her I think. Not to mention the fact that now I feel like I am fighting the don't let me get sick battle.
So far I have been able to continue to go to work, but I am just dragging!
That is part of what I mean by not at the top of my game. The other part is just a personal struggle from within that I am not even sure how to put into words. It's just one of those times when you don't feel like yourself, and everything seems to put you on the defense or on edge.
I know this will pass. It always does. While it lasts though it sometimes seems like the hardest thing to get through.
Life is good, we all have a job, including Ford! YAY! our heath is good and the bills are paid. Things could be so much worse and I am grateful that they are not. I pray for those family and friends who are not doing as well.