What a year...

Only the 10th day of the new year, and already all I can think, is what a year it has been already! A hard year! A sad year. I look back in time year, and not all of the looks back in time are kind or ones that I want to be revisiting.
I was really thinking that this was going to be a good year. Maybe even a better year. Not that last year was a bad year, by any means, but I think, everyone would like every year to be an improvement upon the last one, right?
I am learning some very hard lessons this year so far, and not lessons I was thinking I would learn, ready to learn or wanting to learn.
I wish I felt stronger than I do! I do know, I am ready to not be sad! The weather certainly isn't helping that any either! January is usually a hard month weather wise without all the other stuff that is going on.
Daddy forgive me for having my moment of weakness and pessimism. I know things will work out and be okay...just not today!

November 10 2015

Grateful for my bedroom and a door that I can go behind and close, and sometimes shut out a little bit of the world for even just a few minutes!

November 9 2015

This day I was grateful to be told that I was kind and understanding while teaching a guiding an employee. It came from no where and I didn't think I had done anything any other person/manager wouldn't have done. Still it caught me off guard and made me feel like I was a little more than just average.
Grateful to feel appreciated at work!

November 8 2015

Today I am so very grateful for Chet's ability and willingness to talk to me, calm me down and help me make sense of life, kids and all the other craziness that goes with it!
I know without him I would be a very different person and I am grateful for the person he is helping me to be!

November 7 2015

Grateful to be able to spend the day with Chet! Even if some days most of what we do is work, I still get to be where he is and spend time with him. I feel bad for couples who don't enjoy spending time with each other!
I cherish my time with Chet and look forward to when we get it!

November 6th 2015

This day I can tell you, I am honestly grateful for FRIDAY! Especially after weeks like this one. Where you just want to crawl in a hole and stay there for the next year or so.
Still, I know next week is another week, but it will be a better one.

November 5th 2015

This day I was VERY grateful for being able to go workout! I had a not so great day at work and it had been a very long week it seemed. I didn't see how it was going to get any better. Still I did have a workout already set up and promised. I really didn't want to go, but, I do know that I always feel better after a workout, so away I went. And I can honestly say, working out is great medicine for my stressed out mind! It gives me something else to focus on and a release for the stress.
I LOVE EXERCISE!

November 4 2015

Today I am once again, or still or what ever grateful for being able to exercise! I love it!
It makes me feel better and it calms me! I am sure I would have been admitted long before now without it!
Got to walk 5 miles today with a friend of mine. I got her hooked as well! :)
Sorry, not sorry :D

November 3 2015

Today, I am grateful for better days. The work day went slightly better, although I don't think I will get use to getting up at 5:30! It is simply TOO early!
Then I got home and went to get propane refilled and to the bank. Got back home and took down the rest of Halloween (that I could) got laundry washed and dried and another batch washed and drying, Dance fitness workout with Megan and Jessica. Then home to have a weight workout with Ford! Off to the store for allergy meds, back home to throw stuff together for dinner. All I have left to do is shower and go to bed! AND I have a minute to unwind! 
So! A much better day than yesterday! :) One day at a time!

November 2 2015

Yesterday was a super crazy day! Monday at a new school, having to be up by 5:30 a.m. (which I have NEVER been good at). Squeezing in a walk/workout after work, taking most of the Halloween decorations down, then went to work with Chet doing tractor work for past dark.
Hurried home, showered and went to grab a bite to eat, got home and jumped into bed.
So yesterday I think I can honestly say I was glad for the day to come to an end! :)

November 1 2015

Thankful day 1

Today I am incredibly thankful that I got to go spend the weekend with my parents! Even if I don't get to spend every second with them I am so glad I get to be where they are and share in some of their experiences. I am so grateful for the example they have and still continue to be for me.
Love you Mom and Dad! Thanks for letting us stay with you!
Thanks Mindy for sharing some space with us also! 

Those words...

You know those moments in life that come, only every once in a while. Those moments when you say the perfect words. The words the one you are speaking with needed to hear. The words that are "just for them" and you know they are just for them, because you didn't think them, but they came, and once they came, you can't really remember what it is you said....but the words that were said had an incredible impact on the one they were meant for...
Ya...I just had one of those moments. Such an amazing feeling and so personal! God is aware of what we need be it that we are living the way we should be or not! And he uses imperfect beings to be about his work!
I am so blessed to have just been a part of that witness!

Times flies

Just looking back at the last time I made a post. It has been a while! much longer than I intended for it to be, but that just goes to show, that time just keeps flying by, even if you aren't ready for it!

  Anyway, today the simple thought crossed my mind, why can we look at ourselves one day and see one thing and the very next day, or even just a few hours later we see something or someone totally different!
How come I can look in the mirror in the morning and think, hey...I don't look too bad. Then only a few hours later, catch a glimpse of myself and think..."holy crap! What happened to you between the time you left the house and now?!"
How can we be so familiar with ourselves, and yet not know who we are at all?
If asked, could we sit down and write a description of ourselves in detail? Or would we simplify it wherever we could because maybe, just maybe we don't honestly KNOW ourselves? Or, are we trying to hide from ourselves? Trying to make believe that we might not be what we really are?
Which is it? It could at any given time possibly be just a little bit of both? Maybe, just possibly.
The goal then I think, might just be to get to know our own selves. To the point that we can not hide from ourselves, or lie to ourselves. That way, we must either accept that we have flaws, and work towards repairing what can be repaired or fix and completely overhaul the things that are totally unacceptable. Perhaps that thought is why we are not sure who we are. And that is why we just try, try and try again!

January 25 2015

Well this past week I have taken a few minutes to re-evaluate, I suppose you could say. The weekend before was suppose to be my birthday weekend. You know, the kind you plan a little in advance for, the one where you get to run off for the weekend and play in a place different than where you live and do the day to day. Ya, well, that didn't end up being the case for us. Unfortunately for Chet, (and me) he ended up sick as a dog for the ENTIRE weekend! So sick, that on Sunday he didn't even leave the house. He had taken Monday off because I had it off already for the federal holiday, and it was a good thing because although he felt better than he had, he was still too whipped out to do anything. He was well enough to go back to work on Tuesday, leaving me alone for the day of my birthday.
  I was really having a feel bad time for myself. I stayed in bed till way later than I should have then got up and shuffled around the house feeling sorry for myself. Ford sent me a message telling me thanks for being a source of inspiration for him. That kind of got my attention and got me going. I cleaned up the house and changed the sheets on the bad, did laundry and a few other things. Then I got ready fro my exercise class with Megan. If there was ever any doubt that exercise can make me feel better, it was completely obliterated by the end of my workout. The only thing was, it left me berating myself for not getting up first thing in the morning and getting a workout in. I would likely have had a completely different out look for the whole day!
I did sit back and really think about things though. They could have been so much worse! I could have been spending the weekend in the hospital, like so many other people I know, or Chet could have been out of town for the whole time or so many other things that to me could have been worse.
I'll take a sick weekend with the promise of a re-do later on when we can work it out, over SO many of the other things that could have gone wrong!
Life is GOOD! I just need to remember, that the bad must come from time to time, to remind me that I do have it REALLY good! For that I am SO grateful!

Jan 6 2015

Well...Christmas and New Years are behind us. This next year should prove to be in the least interesting.
With watching and worrying about our parents and wondering what direction the lives of our kids might be going to take.
Like I said it should prove to be interesting at least!
My personal goal for this month is to stay positive and to continue to exercise and eat healthy. I had started to get lazy there for a bit, but when the pants get snug it is a quick reminder and a wake up call as to why I began my fitness journey in the first place.
Thinking back it has been 5 years, since I started. Over 5 years actually. In November it was 5 years.
This journey for fitness has been an enlightening one and one I am very glad I started!
Just today I got to spend 45 minutes with my son, while we worked out and talked! What a better way to get to spend time with my kids, watching them find the drive and desire to get healthy! Best life goal ever! :) (one of them anyway)
Anyway, on to the rest of 2015! :) Life is SO good!

December 27 2014

This week is almost over...I am not sure how I feel about it. Chet will be going back to work and I still have a week off....to myself....
Ya know, over the years I have kept myself pretty busy and feel like I am fairly self sufficient. I don't feel like I need to be entertained all the time. Infact, I am fairly content to just sit at home and chill.
The thought of spending next week by myself for the most part is sort of giving me a little bit of anxiety. I wish I had someone close to make plans with or something! I am however totally looking forward to our family get together that will be here at our house! It seems like the times we have to get together are less and less frequent so I plan on making the most of this one, even though Steve and Jenni won't be able to be here.
This holiday season has reminded me that none of us knows when the last time might be when we will get to tell our family that we love them. I plan on taking that time on Monday! Can't wait to see you family. Wish there were a way for us ALL to be there.
Grateful for family!

Dec 23 2014

It might just be the little things. I have wondered for a few years now, why Christmas just isn't even close to what it use to be for me. The feeling leading up to the day, the earliness of the music and "sales" convincing us we need things we truly don't and may even honestly never use...I can honestly say, I have really felt like the Grinch the last couple of years. To the point that it was almost painful to even decorate.
It might just all be in my head, but if it is, there are a LOT of other folks that have mimicked some of my very same thoughts and feelings.

  This year...this year is different. Not really in a good way, but sort of. This year, we almost lost my Dad....
The thought of coming so close to losing half of  the very rock your foundation is built on, well...that sort of makes a body step back and re-think a few things....Service...it changes things.
I got to go out for my folks and do a bit of their shopping for them and try to tie up some loose ends. Try to make sure that the time I spent with them now, wasn't wasted or that I didn't regret not spending the time I when I had the chance.
Blessing came in the form that we get to keep my Dad here for the time being. I know none of us knows when our time will be, but selfishly, for all of us, I am glad we at the very least get one more Christmas :)
I love you Daddy, thank you for being a great teacher and a good example. And for always trying to learn and improve on being a parent! Your example is my goal. To always try to improve.
Merry Christmas to you and Mom and thank you for letting us come stay and try to help out a little.

December 16 2014

Trying like everything to be positive! So days it is SO much harder than others.
No matter how much you tell yourself, things are and will be fine and that things ARE currently good. It can be SO difficult to believe. Today I am sending out into the universe and wherever else it needs to go, and along with a prayer in my heart and mind, positive thoughts and feelings for both my Dad and my Father in law. Both men mean more to me than they could ever know! Both men are having some added struggles in their lives right now, but I want to make sure that it is written down somewhere how much I look up to them both. Both for the same and very different reasons all at the same time!
Daddy especially for you...thank you SO much for always showing affection. Hugging and kissing on Mom and being silly with her from time to time. Hugging us kids and making sure to tell us that you loved us often. There are truly SO many things I and thankful you taught me, but this thing is in my life and mind EVERYday! From here in  my own home, to the friends of my children who use to frequent my home, to the friends and company I currently keep. All the way to my job, and the kids and people I am privileged to be able to associate with on a daily basis! So of those kids just need a hug sometimes and someone to tell them that things will get better.
Were you perfect? No. I know that, but I also know you did the best you could with what you knew and as time has gone by and you have learned more you have tried to improve. I appreciate that about you!
Thank you for teaching me to look in the bright side and to fine the positive in every situation. It has served me well and for the most part, it usually makes me feel better.
There really are so many more things...I just don't have time or space to write them all.
Thanks for being my Daddy! Positive thoughts and lot of love going with you tomorrow!

December 14 2014

Today, I have spent some time reflecting back, to when the kids were little. Looking at it now, I didn't realize back then how truly blessed I/we were for me to be able to stay home with our kids while they were little! I don't even know for sure today what made me think back to it.
I was thinking about the amazing women in my life. My Mom, the aunts and so many women I knew. So many of them HAD to work. But not only did they work outside the home, they then continued to work with vigor when they finally returned home! THAT was one of the things I was thinking about. HOW on Earth did they do it? I stayed home until Ford was in 1st grade before I re-entered the work scene, and then it was usually for 3 to 4 hours a day. The I would go home and feel like I had to rush around like a crazy person in order to accomplish anything other than dinner! My  Mom was simply AMAZING! She sewed, she cooked and taught us to do the same, she gardened with Dad and together the took care of the house and animals. (we always had animals) THEN as is THAT wasn't enough! Come fall she canned like a crazy person! Kept us in fruits and veggies, soups, jams and jellies! I learned a lot just by observing! I too now can and preserve many of my own things thanks to the wonderful example I was provided with!
Anyway, I have gotten off track a little. My original today was how did those who didn't have to opportunity to be a stay at home Mom make it through and accomplish all the things that they did!
I simply shake my head in amazement.
So here is to all those who not only worked their fingers to the bone inside the home as a care giver, but outside as well! You have been an inspiration without even know it! I hope to someday be as cool as you! (without passing right out!) ;)

Dec 12 2014

Although I might not always be looking for the opportunity to provide service for someone else. I am none the less grateful for being given the opportunity to provide it when I can.
I spent 3 hours today doing some service unexpectedly. So glad I was able to help and would gladly do it again. Wishing for perhaps different circumstances for the people in need. My heart is heavy for them, but hope that what little I was able to do today was helpful. Love and prayers. Thank you for allowing me to help!